Thursday, November 29, 2012

Jokes banned in Sri Lanka


Here are some of those text messages that have angered the Sri Lankan establishment:

1. Long lines/queues

A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line. 
Did you manage to kill him ?", everyone asks him. No, that line is longer than this one, he replies.

2. Robber meets Rajapaksa

Robber: Give me all your money!
Rajapakse: Do you know who I am? I am Mahinda Percy Rajapaksa.
Robber: OK. Give me all my money.

3. TV anchor announcing:

Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Rajapaksa and are demanding $5,000,000
or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can.
Phone call to the TV station: "I will donate five liters"

4. Postmaster General announcing

To commemorate the ascension to the Presidency, Sri Lanka Post has officially launched a new stamp. But the people of Sri Lanka are confused which side of the stamp to spit on.

5. Announcement In Mihin Lanka airplane

Mr. President, We are about to land could you please put Keheliya Rambukwella (Information minister) in an upright position. Thank you.

6. Sri Lankan meets American

Sri Lankan to American: What do you guys do with thieves?
American: We treat them humanely and give them good food, warm clothes and long jury trials
Sri Lankan : That's bad. We give them the presidency.

7. Genie meets Sri Lankan

Genie to Sri Lankan : Order me my master. What can I do for you?
Sri Lankan to Genie: Bring me all the wealth in the Swiss bank.
Genie: My name is Genie, not Rajapaksa.

May y! our happiness increase like the price of vegetables;
May your worries disappear like grease yakas; 
May your enemies be punished like naughty Fonseka;
May you be protected like Duminda Silva;
May you be highly qualified in an instant like Namal;
May your wealth and property increase like the 'Brothers';
May your life be never ending like the current presidency;
May your always be victorious like the Rajapaksa Family!
If you don't pass this on, you will be stuck with the R "Family" for life.